He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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