I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
