So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
