Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
