Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
