nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
