she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
