if you like me you must not know who I am
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
