my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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