Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
