so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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