dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In America we eat man semen.
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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