forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize