I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
