When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
