Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
