i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
