And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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