nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
