If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
