Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the day after is always just damage control
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
