Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's always time for handjobs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
