your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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