Pappa wants mamma naked
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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