tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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