He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
