I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
