I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
