when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
