We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Boobs are out for the taking
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
