i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
