when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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