covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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