Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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