what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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