She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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