It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
