Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
