Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
