Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
