hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
