I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its liver damage thursday
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
