1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
