this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
