I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Randomize
