walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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