I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
