I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
