Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
