He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
