Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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