We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
