Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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