We won't sleep together?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
