whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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