I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
