"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
