I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I looked at my own cervix.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
