the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
