i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
