I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
