My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize