She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
