I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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