Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
