Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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