I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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