I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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