I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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